Saturday, October 8, 2016

Vampires: The Kind You Should Be Afraid Of.....

I love people who take chances; who are ambitious and do things that scare them for the betterment of their own lives, those who aren't afraid to color outside the lines. It's not easy to take a chance and go after something you really want because the chance of disappointment is always lurking about; but it's the people who try anyway, refusing to allow fear to take over, that I respect the most. They inspire me.

It's for this reason that I support anyone who does something (positive) to move their lives forward. I love hearing stories of people were unhealthy changing their diet and lifestyle. I smile whenever someone talks about going back to school or are learning a new skill. I'm impressed when people make an effort in their own lives even though it would be easier to sleep in on the weekend or watch Netflix all day; they choose instead to find the time to go after what they really want. Not to suggest goals have to be lofty; you may not want to win an Academy Award or climb the highest mountain, but taking a chance may be as simple as changing the way you view the world or dropping that friend who always lets you down.

It might surprise you that what I dislike isn't the opposite; I don't necessarily have an issue with people who aren't so inclined - whether it be due to laziness or lack of confidence, they may still get there when it's their time. Actually, the people who really frustrate me are those who don't support other people's goals. There's nothing more annoying than someone who tries to knock down other people's dreams simply because they can't envision them or have none of their own, therefore assume they aren't possible. However, having said that, it's understandable. If you can't envision an amazing life for yourself then it's easy to see how you may not be capable of envisioning success for others.


For that reason, I think the most frustrating people are the obvious attention seekers of the world; we're talking about the people on your Facebook list who let everyone about all their successes but never support others in the same way they expect to be supported. We're talking the people who practically want a parade every time they have a successful bowel movement or go to the gym but remain blissfully unaware or uninterested in what others are doing. Nor do they care.

Some people may call them narcissists. Others may call them assholes. Personally, I call them energy vampires; and we're not talking about the kind of vampires I've been known to write about - sexy, savvy or smart - we're talking about the self-absorbed yet, quite often, terribly insecure jerks who only are aware of your presence when you're around to pat their back. If put on the spot, they will pretend to care about your life but as with everything, action speaks much louder than words.

Personally, I'm happy when people are excited about my accomplishments but at the same time, I'm also very excited when other people succeed. I don't even have to know the person to be happy that they've reached a goal, overcome a struggle or took a chance to better their lives. That's not the point. The point is that you get more out of life if you support others than if you look for support.


The more I do in life and the more I accomplish, the more I see the people in my life changing. Sometimes it can be a bit of an eye opener, but for every person that I've left (or will leave) behind, I find new, positive, awesome person who I wholeheartedly support and who does the same for me. If we can't do that for each other, then what's the point?

Mima is the author of Fire and the prequel, A Spark before the Fire, as well as The Rock Star of Vampires  Her Name is Mariah and Different Shades of the Same Color. Join Mima on Facebook, TwitterG+ and Goodreads also, check out her Amazon Author Page

For some reading, check out her blogs – personal or writing                                               








Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Perspective is Everything

A friend recently commented that she felt the need to hold back on announcing her amazing accomplishment on Facebook. She feared it would seem like bragging and it would turn people off. I asked her one simple question;

If you were a man, would you even be asking this?     


Certainly not to suggest men are the ideal that women should be modeling themselves from, but the idea behind the question is to change your perspective. For example, you might ask someone what the 5 year-old version of themselves would think in the same situation or if this issue would matter if they were currently on their deathbed. The angle for which we view things can sometimes change everything.

During this particular conversation, we decided that the male version of her wouldn’t hesitate to announce these accomplishments; in fact, he would probably relish in doing so and have little concern if it ruffled anyone’s feathers. 

I think one of the biggest mistakes women make is worrying about what others think. It’s almost like there is a set of unwritten rules for females that are cryptic, assumed to be common sense and you're judged when you don’t comply. I certainly have felt the pressure over the years and where it once weighed me down, it no longer does. 

At any rate, I’ve used this change in perspective experiment to work through a recent issue that was lurking in the back of my mind.

I had a concern regarding some people in my life that regularly lie. It’s obvious and I’ve caught them on it more than once. So I used this different perspective experiment and here’s what I discovered;

- The male version of me just shrugged it off with ‘that’s just how they are’ mentality and didn’t let it bother his day.

-       - The 5 year-old version of me didn’t understand, assumed these were bad people and went on to play with a Barbie doll, quickly forgetting the issue.

-       - The person on their deathbed felt pity for those not strong enough to face their own truth or to be honest.


When you look at things that way, it really gives you food for thought. I believe that as a woman, I often over think and over analyze both people and situations that are often not worth the time and energy that I end up wasting, not to mention the mental frustration.


So next time you're in a troubling situation, ask yourself; What would you think if you were the opposite sex? What would the 5 year-old version of you think? 
What would you think on your deathbed? 

See what you discover.

Mima is the author of Fire and the prequel, A Spark before the Fire, as well as The Rock Star of Vampires  Her Name is Mariah and Different Shades of the Same Color. Join Mima on Facebook, TwitterG+ and Goodreads also, check out her Amazon Author Page

For some reading, check out her blogs – personal or writing                                               

Friday, April 22, 2016

I want to smell more flowers

Yesterday, like many others, I was shocked to learn that Prince had died. In fact, it hit me much harder than I would’ve expected. I grew up listening to him, but I don’t know that I was a super fan – although I was in awe of his talents and loved his music – he wasn’t my favorite artist of all time.  However, his death had a very strong impact on me. 

One by one, it seems that so many celebrities that I grew up with seem to be passing on. I think like most people, there’s something about someone else’s death (even if you don’t actually know the person) that makes us think of our own impending death. It’s unavoidable; it doesn’t matter who you are, how much money you have or how careful you are in life, you’re going to die. You can choose to hide in the safety of your home,  but you can’t escape that everyone’s life gets a little shorter every day.

Just after learning of the death of Prince, my friend text me. Like me, she shared her shock after learning that the legend had passed away and followed it up by a story about how she had gone to an awesome concert just the night before; she said that life was short, so live it. Her exact words were to ‘take the time to smell the flowers'.  Sadly, since returning to the east coast, I’m doing the exact opposite and if anything, I feel like I want to start smelling a hell of lot more flowers. For example, how many times have I commented on how much I LOVE live music; yet when was the last time I went to see an awesome rock band? I want to go to all these places – Greece, France, Ireland – and yet, I haven’t. When was the last time I went out and did something totally wild? Daring?

I never really got people who felt that life was meant to be lived quietly. I always wondered if those people lay on their deathbed, regretting what they hadn’t experienced; the things they never did because of what others would think? What people think of us holds a lot of power, whether it is the concern for one’s ego, how friends and family view us or even what enemies think.  It gets in the way a lot more than you might realize – how many times have you not spent money on something you ‘didn’t need’ simply because you felt you had to justify your purchase? Ever went to a psychic or to get a beauty treatment of any kind and avoid telling others, cause you know they will assume you just stupidly pissed away money? Exactly. 

I thoroughly believe that there are a lot of people who live their lives as if they are already dead. It sounds sort of cruel, but we all know people who go through the motions, never change their routine, never change the people in their lives – hell, I know people who won’t even change their hairstyle, let alone take a chance. Sometimes you got to go out of your comfort zone even if that is something as simple as watching a show or reading a book that isn’t your usual type. A few years ago, my friend watched Star Wars for the first time after some coaxing from her family, under the assumption she'd not like it; she loved it. It sounds quite small, but it had meaning to her. However, if she hadn’t taken the chance, how would she have known? It wasn’t her usual thing to watch, but she was open to the idea.

I think that’s where the problem often faced. A lot people aren’t open to new things and don’t want to live life large. They want to keep it small because it makes them feel comfortable. They criticize people who try new things, saying how ‘that will never work’, ‘you know how SHE is’ ‘and the insinuation that people who take risks are crazy. Hey guys – you only got one life and it could end up being much shorter than you think. 


So would you rather be the person who did everything you were supposed to or would you like the be the person who takes some time and smells all the flowers; even the ones that are a little bit weird;-)

Canadian author Mima is known for her complicated and diverse characters, a dark style and for never shying away from controversial topics. To request an interview or if you are interested in doing a book review, please send requests here  
 

Mima is the author of Fire and the prequel, A Spark before the Fire, as well as The Rock Star of Vampires  Her Name is Mariah and Different Shades of the Same Color. Join Mima on Facebook, TwitterG+ and Goodreads also, check out her Amazon Author Page


For some reading, check out her blogs – personal or writing

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Is a Facebook snub the same as an in person snub?



Recently I did a totally natural thing. I attempted to connect with a former coworker at a previous job. In fact, I attempted to connect with three. They all ignored my request. I thought this was kind of strange since it was LinkedIn and we did work together, in fact, 2 out of 3 were my supervisors.

I felt the sting. I was snubbed.
I thought it was kind of ironic that people I barely knew occasionally added me to LinkedIn; people I didn’t even work with, but yet those who I worked with daily, had chatted with all the time and gave the impression they liked me, chose to ignore me on a social media site that was specifically for former coworkers and associates.

From time to time, we all get requests we ignore. It could be for various reasons; don’t like the person, don’t know the person or maybe it’s because we want to keep our social media limited to close friends and family. Other people add everyone in their online group, viewing it more as a popularity contest.

But is a snub online the same as in person? The obvious difference is that most people are less courageous online; we see that all the time in the comment sections of blogs, often signed by ‘anonymous’. Most people feel it’s rude if you snub a person when they are standing right next to you, but feel it’s perfectly fine online with excuses such as, “Oh, this social media thing is so confusing, I don’t know what button to hit” or my personal favorite, “I never go on.” Although I know some people who do fall in the latter category, I know even more who think ‘not going on’ just means they go on, take a peak at what everyone’s up to and then don’t post anything on their own wall.

Then again, are we taking the online presence a little too seriously? We all know people who do that very thing, almost to the point that it’s laughable - but do online connections really mean anything at all?

I think there are different kinds of friendships online, just as there are in the ‘real’ world. There are people you will have a coffee with, but might not tell your deepest secrets to and on the other side of things, there are people you will say hi to in the grocery line, but would rather stab yourself in the ear than listen to babble on for an hour over a coffee.

Too dramatic?

The point is that just like in life, there are varying degrees of friendships. Some you’re close to and others you want in your circle, even if you don’t talk on a regular basis.


As for the former coworkers that snubbed me, I just assume that their online presence is perhaps more about image and status than it is relating to other people. Then again, maybe that’s a sign their in person presence was as well. Lesson learned


Canadian author Mima is known for her complicated and diverse characters, a dark style and for never shying away from controversial topics. To request an interview or if you are interested in doing a book review, please send requests here  
 

Mima is the author of Fire and the prequel, A Spark before the Fire, as well as The Rock Star of Vampires  Her Name is Mariah and Different Shades of the Same Color. Join Mima on Facebook, TwitterG+ and Goodreads also, check out her Amazon Author Page

For some reading, check out her blogs – personal or writing